The Alphabet Books

Far from the fairy tales you're used to...

Adam is the first human being all alone in the Garden of Eden. He has everything he needs, but he sure is lonely. One morning he awakens to find his body flayed open. Could it be kidney thieves? No, God has stolen a rib to make him a companion. Why he couldn't have just made Eve out of dirt like Adam was, is beyond him. Adam and Eve are living in relative peace in Paradise until trouble comes to the Garden in the form of a snake.

Jimmy DiFrenzo is the head of one of the Figarazzi family, one of the toughest mob families around. He loves his gabagool, his gold chains, and his chest hair. He lives in a nice suburban home with his adoring wife and child. The perfect, yet hackneyed, life of a Sicilian American. But he has secrets. Blondie is a spoiled little rich girl who always gets her way. When her life becomes tedious, she begins a life of breaking into random homes. She never steals anything; she's in it for the excitement. All is going swimmingly, till she finds herself the wrong house.

Hansel and Gretel are two long-haul truckers, a brother and sister team, whose work order is simple: Deliver a truckload of cookies across country to an old witch in the forest. They accept the job, despite the rumors that those who deliver cookies sometimes don't make it back. When they stop to pick up their load, they notice something isn't right. Pastries shouldn't be bleeding and screaming and trying to escape their boxes.

Three tales so awful, they'll make you want to wash your mind out with soap. Snow White and the mini golf course? Frankenstein meets Soylent Green? An avid reader trapped in an Edgar Allan Poe nightmare? These stories aren't normal. Like a stew, where you don't know what's in it, you don't know why you're eating it, but you can't stop. You’ll even ask for thirds.

Long ago, in a land far away, there lived a beautiful princess named Snow White. Okay, it wasn’t long ago, it was just a few minutes ago. And it wasn’t far away, it was the Bad Apple Miniature Golf Course/Action Fun Park in New Jersey. Come join your favorite characters: Snow White, the Queen, the Pepperoni Prince, and of course, the dwarves - Farty, Disorderly, Complimentary, Turkey, Sleazy, Juicy, and Smug.

Ever wanted to be in a story? Our hero has. And now here he is. And it sucks. How did he get here? What did he do to deserve this? Why are these tales so much worse than the originals?

Franks Wurst: The food of the future! Try one today! Many years have passed since Victor Frankenstein built his monster. The population has grown out of control. The food supply is getting low. Franks franchises are popping up like weeds. With only one thing on the menu, hot dogs. The low-cost way to feed billions. And people love them. But when meat becomes scarce, a new item appears on the menu: Franks Wurst. It's not long before that’s all anyone eats. Listen to find out more.

Fee-fi-fo-fum! I smell the blood of a... Well, you all know the story. Jack is a poor farm boy living with his mother. Having to milk cows to keep the bill collectors at bay. Till, one day, a man comes by and gives him an enhancement pill that makes him sprout a giant boner, which he climbs all the way up to Giant Land. I mean, sure, we all know that part. But from there, things take a twist.

A wild and wacky parody of the original Hellraiser movie. Now with more raisins!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Hell - the Raisining!